


Out of Action

by trollmela



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:43:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollmela/pseuds/trollmela
Summary: The Avengers attempt to explain Tony’s absence in battle to Fury without once saying the word ‘orgy’.





	Out of Action

**Author's Note:**

> Set in that non-existing universe of poly Avengers before bad things (aka Winter Soldier) happened. I think it deserves the crack label, even though it's not that funny.

“Where’s Iron Man? More importantly, where _was_ Iron Man out in the field?”

“He had eyes on the sky with a drone,” Steve replied calmly.

“Yes, that had Tony Stark’s very obvious finger prints all over it. But I mean _Iron Man_! Remember that robotic suit of his? The – what did he call it – _high-tech prosthesis_?”

“Unfortunately, Tony is currently out of commission for active duty,” Steve said just as stiffly as before.

“And why am I hearing about this only now?”

Fury was glaring steadily at Steve, who seemed perfectly fine with staring back. His back was straight, tense, the model soldier pose of someone getting reamed out by his superior.

“It was a recent development.”

Fury would have had to be an idiot not to sense that Steve definitely did not want to talk about Tony’s absence. Steve must have finally realized as well that his reticence was only raising more red flags. He opened his mouth just as Clint spoke up:

“He’s sick.”

“There was a lab incident.”

Barton, at least, had a pretty good neutral expression, or _spy face_ , as Tony would have said. Steve not so much. He was _awful_ at lying, and he knew it.

“The lab incident involved biochemicals, and Tony had a bad reaction,” Bruce came to the rescue.

Steve was tempted to give him a grateful look, but just nodded in agreement instead while Fury turned to stare at Bruce. Bruce didn’t cave. More of a man than Captain America, but then, Steve shouldn’t have been surprised.

Finally, the director gave an exasperated sigh.

“How long will he be out of action?”

“A week,” Bruce replied after some thought. Steve fought, he really did, but he could feel a blush spreading up from his neck.

A week? Had Bruce picked a random time or was he serious? They _had_ been rough yesterday with Tony, all of them having a go, some of them, including Steve, taking him more than once even –

He forced himself to focus on his breathing, a trick Bruce had showed him when Tony had called him out once too often on his ‘thinking of sex face’. When Steve looked up, it was just in time to see Fury look away from Steve and turn to Natasha.

“Do you have anything to add to this ... _story_ , Agent Romanov?”

Of course Fury was asking her; she had been SHIELD first before becoming an Avenger. It was awful, but Steve didn’t know what he expected her to say. It wasn’t even about anything serious, not that Fury knew or saw it that way. As far as he knew, the Avengers were hiding something, and he wanted to know what it was. If Natasha ever had to choose between the Avengers and SHIELD, Steve didn’t know who she’d pick.

“No, nothing to add, Director.”

Steve looked to Thor. The demigod was standing to his left against the wall behind Natasha, and at least _he_ didn’t look like he was hiding knowledge of an orgy. Maybe it was just Steve, his age, the serum, or the fact that he actually had the _opportunity_ now; either way, Steve couldn’t _not_ think of Thor fucking into Tony from behind while Steve was coming down the brunette’s throat.

Steve shifted in his seat and curled his fingers until his nails bit into the skin of his palms.

“Will that be all?” He forced himself to ask and meet Fury’s eye. “You’ll receive our reports as usual.”

Fury frowned at him until Steve was about ready to recite his service number. Followed by: ’We fucked him so hard he couldn’t fly, sir’.

“Yes, we’re done. For now.”

Fury’s glare from one Avenger to the next implied that he still didn’t believe them.

“Dismissed,” he nearly snarled.

Steve jumped up as if a spring had uncoiled under his seat. Thor caught him by the shoulder and forced him to slow down, while Bruce, Natasha and Clint were still pretending that everything was perfectly normal.

* * *

Tony was lying on his stomach on the big bed where they had left him, together with the tablet Bruce had shoved at him to control the drone before they had flown out in the Quinjet. He had put on boxers at some point and Thor’s shirt from yesterday.

“Finally, I was getting bored,” he said.

Natasha was the first by his bedside and stroked a hand down his back while stealing a kiss. Perhaps ‘stealing wasn’t the right word; Tony certainly didn’t mind.

“Fury kept us,” Steve said.

“Our Captain is an awful liar,” Nat teased. “Five more minutes and he would have given a report on yesterday night.”

Steve flushed a hot red. “I wouldn’t have,” he protested.

Tony only laughed. “I would have loved to see his face. Should have let me know, I have video. Could have given him a PowerPoint presentation.”

The appropriate reaction would have been to blush harder; but instead, Steve’s dick hardened.

“Wanna see?” Tony’s eyes sparkled with glee.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Bruce spoke up.

Tony winced a bit. “For now. And the next couple of days, probably, although I’m not sitting out another call.” He still gave them a smile. “Best gang bang ever, guys. I’m not sorry. We should do it again. Hopefully without an assembly call at 3 AM I’m too tired and sore to come in for.”

**Author's Note:**

> As extremely unlikely as the scenario is, it wouldn’t let me go. So here it is, written long ago, found while cleaning up my hard drive, and hopefully still amusing enough.


End file.
